Being Right vs. Being Effective

Good morning,

There’s a lesson I wish I learned a lot earlier in my leadership journey.

Being right doesn’t move people. Being a leader does.

There’s a primal part of us that wants to prove it — to pull out the chart, the data, the math, and show we’re correct. But here’s the truth:

Leadership isn’t about being right. It’s about producing outcomes.

And outcomes don’t come from winning debates.

They come from trust.

The Assignment That Broke My Way Of Thinking

Let me bring this down to the floor.

I once ran a community where staffing assignments were a constant source of tension. Every shift. Every schedule. Someone felt it was unfair.

• “Too heavy here.”
• “Too light there.”
• “Why do I always get the short end?”

So I did what most of us do. I went to the data. Pulled acuity reports. Factored in levels of care. Documented hours. Perfect math, right?

I was ready to sit the team down and prove it.

But here’s the problem: even if I won that argument, I would’ve lost something more important — their trust that I saw them.

That I listened.

That I cared more about outcomes than being right.

Why We Want to Prove It (And Why It Doesn’t Work)

Let’s be honest — there’s a part of leadership that’s deeply tied to ego.

We get praised for having answers. We get promoted for getting things “right.” So when someone questions us, it doesn’t just hit our brain — it hits our identity.

But that instinct? It’s not leadership. It’s reactivity.

And reactive leaders don’t build trust.

When we respond with “let me show you why you’re wrong,” we shut down the very thing we need: open communication, buy-in, shared ownership.

Even if the spreadsheet says you’re right, the team won’t follow. Not really.

So What Do You Do Instead?

This is where leadership gets hard — and real.

You don’t push harder.

You pause.

You shift from proving to influencing.

Here’s how:

1. Lead with Curiosity, Not Control

Instead of defending your decision, ask:

• “What feels off about this assignment?”
• “What are you seeing that I might not?”
• “Where are we getting this wrong for you?”

Let them speak. Let them be heard. You’ll learn more in those five minutes than you would pouring over acuity charts.

2. Make It a Shared Problem, Not Your Solution

Say this:

“Let’s solve this together."

Try a micro-experiment:

• Test a new assignment on one unit for one shift.
• Gather real-time feedback.
• Debrief together.

This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about co-creating better. When the team helps shape the solution, they don’t resist it. They own it.

3. Listen Like It’s Your Job (Because It Is)

Listening isn’t passive. It’s strategic.

According to Zenger Folkman, leaders who are skilled listeners are rated as the most effective in driving performance, trust, and engagement.

When you reflect back what someone says — “So you’re saying you feel X because of Y, right?” — you disarm defensiveness. You build connection.

And you shift from a leader who commands to one who influences.

4. Give Them the Win

Here’s a secret about influence:

People follow what they help create.

So when the team suggests something — even if it’s close to what you were already thinking — give them the credit.

Let it be their idea.

Let them feel the win.

That’s not manipulation — it’s masterful leadership.

Real Leadership Is Restraint

It takes emotional intelligence to hold your tongue when you know you’re right.

To pause instead of pounce.

To guide instead of prove.

But every time you choose restraint over reaction, you’re not just protecting relationships — you’re building trust.

And that trust? It’s the difference between compliance and commitment. Between a team that follows orders and a team that follows you.

Take This to Your Huddles.

Here’s your 60-second challenge today:

• Ask your front line team: “What’s something you’d tweak in how we do things today?”
• Don’t defend. Don’t debate.
• Just listen. Reflect. And take it back.

It’s not about proving the truth.

It’s about showing the team they matter more than being right.

And that’s leadership.

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