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Good morning. Welcome to our new subscribers.  NHA Stand-Up is your weekly(ish) newsletter developed by and for Nursing Home Administrators.  We don't deliver industry news but rather operational insights to help you be a better leader.

It has been quite the week so far. I'm reflecting on a negotiation with an unhappy resident and family that went down yesterday. The result was surprisingly positive. Here's the scoop and system I used to get my desired results. The tactics come from Chris Voss, a retired lead hostage negotiator for the FBI, and they're the real deal.

By the way, you still have an opportunity to earn a free NAB-approved CEU. Follow the instructions at the bottom of today's newsletter.

Elevate your operation

I received the dreaded forwarded email from the Executive office of my organization. Within the email was a six-page scathing letter from a resident's family that moved into the community only a week ago. The text from my superior said, "Please look into this situation and let me know your findings." I was well aware of the concerns and the multiple conversations and efforts my team had intervened to right the ship and please this family. The resident's daughter was like that helicopter parent constantly circling around her father and pointing out every wrong move she thought the team of caregivers made. Of course, the resident was content, not a single concern coming from him. The daughter's demand? A full refund of the stay to include coverage for the cost to move out of the community.

Fast forward three days. We investigated the concerns, weighed our options, and concluded that a refund wasn't warranted. Out of good gesture, we would cover the cost of movers if they chose to move out. Our counteroffer would be about 10% of their ask. It was up to me to negotiate them down and hopefully leave them feeling good about the result. No easy task. The time had come to meet with the resident and their family in their room and share our conclusion. I've had tough conversations like this numerous times in my career, but the nervousness never goes away. My palms were sweaty, my stomach in knots. I hadn't slept in the three nights since we received the letter. Would they yell, curse, throw me out? 

As NHA's, we've all been there and will be there again at some point. It's part of the job. The difference for me this time? I was prepared and had a whole new mindset on negotiating. Here is how I used the tools and insights developed by Chris Voss, a retired hostage negotiator for the FBI, as found in his book Never Split the Difference.  

What's the worst they could accuse us of? The homework you need to do ahead of time, and this is important, is to list the worst things you think the other party could possibly say about the situation or you. In the book, this is referred to as an "accusation audit." For this situation, I included, "You lied to us, the care my parent received was terrible, this place is horrible." This serves two purposes to help you prepare to respond to these statements and actually utilize the negative opinions to your benefit.

Develop open-ended questions.  I wrote down about a dozen questions starting with "how" and "what." Asking questions that require more than a yes/no or one-word answer draws out the other party's feelings and helps build trust and empathy during the conversation, which is the key to a successful negotiation. Chris calls these calibrated questions. Examples include, "What about this is important to you? How would you like me to proceed? How can we solve this problem?"

The Conversation.  I spent the first portion of the meeting doing almost none of the talking. I practiced mirroring (repeating the last three words of the other person) and labeling (summarizing the other party's feelings into words). I have to admit, it was a weird feeling to take this approach, and I found myself wanting to chime in with my perspective but held myself back from doing so. They vomited their feelings non-stop for about 30-40 minutes. The more I labeled their feelings, the more they continued, and they agreed with my labels. I said things like, "It seems like you feel we mislead you of what the experience would be." Never agreeing with their view but acknowledging it and saying it back to them. They began to agree with me and recognized my labels as "that's right." As you'll read in the book, hearing the words "that's right" are golden in a negotiation. At the end of it, all the family looked utterly relieved. They had said their piece, and to their surprise, I wasn't there to argue. Like a punching bag, I had absorbed every combination they could think of, labeled it, and presented it back to them.

As the conversation progressed, I hit them with the rest of the calibrated questions I developed ahead of time. The feeling of the conversation shifted. It no longer felt like us vs. them scenario but that we were on the same team trying to solve a problem together.

Now was time to lay down the offer. I set the stage by utilizing a statement from the accusation audit I had prepared. I said, "You probably feel like we didn't hold up our end of the bargain in caring for your father." I then hit them with an anchor to unconsciously lower their expectations. "You're not going to like this offer. You're going to feel like it's not sufficient, but here's what I can do." To my surprise, they responded by asking for the details in writing, thanked me for listening to them, and said they would let us know their next steps by the end of the week. They shook my hand, and I left. I walked out of the room and thought, "Holy $h!t, this stuff worked, and it worked really well."

I highly recommend that you check out Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss and put his tactics into play in your life as an NHA. Early, next year I plan on using his formula to renegotiate my salary, ill be sure to share that experience with you'll as well.

We continue our partnership with CEUSrEZ providing readers with a free NAB-approved continuing education course worth one credit hour.  To cash in on your free course, here is all you have to do.  

1.) Hit "reply" to this email.  If you were forwarded this email, reply to newsletter@nhastandup.com.  

2.) Add the email addresses of a few other NHA's in your network so they can also get the free course.  Hit send.

3.) That's it.  We will reply to the email thread with the course link and free registration code for yourself and your friends!

CEUSrEZ offers an additional CEU credit for free on their site, giving you two total NAB credit hours.  Check out their offerings for all of your CEU needs!

Grab your coffee and make it a great day.  We appreciate you and your dedication to your team and residents. -Thank you!